I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
