I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
