Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
