So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
