still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
