Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
