I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
