just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you traded sex for a burrito?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize