Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
