I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
