Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
