did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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