the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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