I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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