I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
