apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
