I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
