the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
