I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
