So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
