This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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