she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
