So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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