bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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