He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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