I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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