somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
