So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
