Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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