I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
