she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
