apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
