So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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