You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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