what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Im part way to drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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