i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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