I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
