At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
