dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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