I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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