So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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