I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
