she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
