Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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