You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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