Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
