Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
