those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
True strength comes from lack of pants
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
