My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
