How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
