Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so fucking centered right now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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