i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
