I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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