WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
