At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
