ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
