Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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