She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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