Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
