You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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