the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is wine microwaveable?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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