It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
