I just pynch a tree in the face
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize