In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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