Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
