I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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