White coat. Heels.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
