Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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