Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this is an emotional support booty call
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
