It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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