remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
