Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
