Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
