apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
