I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He better not be in your backpack
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
