Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
