that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
