Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ugly people sure do ruin things
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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