dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
