I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
