I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
