Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
