if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
