If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize