please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
