when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if only i could text you this smell
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
