the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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