this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
