He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
