And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
