It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
