Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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