Don't you send me to vm
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
