Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
