Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

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(906): View more from Michigan

last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

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(248): View more from Michigan

just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.

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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.

(248): View more from Michigan

I was...perplexed.

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