I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
