so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
