The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
