god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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