I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
