so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
