Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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