So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
