Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
