i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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