I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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